he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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