nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
