so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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