I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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