I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
