I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
