"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
