i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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