I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
