he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize