if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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