Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
