Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
