I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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