If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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