mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
