i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we made out on top of his cat.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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