dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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