he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
