haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
