Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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