i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
