so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
