So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
