well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
