ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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