the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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