Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
