Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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