Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
