I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
