dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
