tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
