Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
