He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
