Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
