I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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