i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
