U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
