oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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