so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
