god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Text me some of your sweat
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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