Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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