Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
