the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
