And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
