This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
