tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
