You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think my vagina is haunted
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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