Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
