So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
