I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
