I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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