I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
