I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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