The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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