I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
