Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
