we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
