he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
