Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize