Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize