piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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