I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
