So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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