dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
