Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
