just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
