he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
