I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize