Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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