Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
