So drunk its hurt
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
