I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
