It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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